The Thing About Slash Is His Hair Is Always Covering His Face. Hiding His True Beauty. So One Night After He Nodded Out (On Opium Biscuits), I Propped Him Up And Put His Hair Into A Ponytail With A Bungee I Found In A Deserted Boots. (The Boots Only Became Deserted After I Made A Call And Did A Bomb Scare. I Said There Was Dynamite In The Head And Shoulders.) Im Ol’Gregg.

Anyway Slash Looked Like A Angel, But There Was Only One Problem For Ol’Gregory. I Wanted To Paint Slash With His Eyes Open And His Eyes Were Closed, So I Painted Some Eyes Onto Two Fruit Stickers Off Of A Pomegranate And I Stuck Them Onto Slash’s Eyelids. I Think It Works Perfectly Well And The False Eyes Work Even Better Than The Originals. So Much So I Super Glued Slash’s Eyes Shut Permanently. A Gift From Ol’Gregg To Slash My Soul Mate.

Im Ol’Gregg.